


Adventures in Small Human Sitting

by donutsweeper



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-07 19:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8813248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donutsweeper/pseuds/donutsweeper
Summary: Lucifer might not understand why the small human was so taken with him, but he did see the necessity in offering help when she needed it.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [templemarker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/templemarker/gifts).



"Detective Decker," Lucifer roared, sweeping into her apartment without knocking. "You said you needed to 'pop in' to your charming home for just a moment, but I have been waiting in the car for close to ten minutes now! I thought we—" Lucifer's rant (and it would have been a good one) was interrupted by a shrieking comet that propelled itself across the room and slammed into him.

"Lucifer!"

"Ah, hello small human." Lucifer tried to pry the young creature off, but she had him in some sort of death grip. How was someone this small so very strong? "Is your mother around? Well, she must be around since I saw her enter earlier and unless she is capable of sneaking past me – a skill set she does not possess – then she should be in this lovely abode somewhere."

"She's in the bedroom with Daddy."

"The bedroom! My, my, my, in the middle of the day, Detective?" he called out. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"They're fighting," the little leech said in the innocent, matter of fact way children had. "About me," she added, sniffling and burrowing her face into Lucifer's new suit. 

Oh dear.

"How can you be certain of that? I'm sure Detective Dou- I mean Detective Espinoza and your mother have many things to fight about, only one of which happens to be you." But, even as he suggested it, he knew that while it may not be a lie, it was not, in this case, true, as he could hear that the topic of conversation between Chloe and the Douche was, in fact, their offspring. An offspring who was leaking disgusting liquid from both her nose and eyes and getting it all over him.

How was he supposed to deal with this? Maze seemed to have developed some kind of understanding when it came to the youngest Decker, but Lucifer was at a loss at what to do. Where was Maze when he needed her? What would she do in a situation like this? Or, wait, Doctor Linda was always offering advice on dealing with human and their unnecessary emotions. Had she said anything that might be useful in this case? Something about acknowledging the situation and that which you cannot control blah blah blah.

"Erm, listen little one," he began, making a fruitless attempt at dislodging her, "grownups fight. It's what they do and they are very good at it. You wouldn't want your Mummy and Daddy to stop doing something they are good at, would you?"

Well, that didn't work, she appeared to be crying even harder now.

What could he do? What should he say? He was the devil, consoling humans was not his area of expertise! Besides, it was very hard to concentrate when there was someone sobbing on you.

"That's not the point, Dan! We agreed we'd talk about any decisions involving Trixie before—"

" _We_ agreed? I seemed to remember _you_ demanding, _you_ yelling, and then _you_ slamming the door in my face. There was no agreeing. Agreeing implies my being able to have an input into the conversation. Into my daughter's life!"

Lucifer quickly covered Trixie's ears. No one needed to hear the specifics of their parents arguing, especially when said arguments were about them. Deciding to do something about it, he began inching his way to the door with the sproglet still attached so they would, hopefully, move somewhat out of earshot. "I think it would be best if Daniel and Detective Decker were to finish their discussion by themselves," he declared loudly, pitching his voice so that it would carry into the bedroom, "while I take this little one out for breakfast."

"Oooh!" Suddenly his legs were free again, but his hand had been captured and was both being clung to tightly and tugged toward the door. "Can we get chocolate cake?"

"For breakfast?" Is that what human children ate for their morning meal? It seemed unlikely, but what did he really know about these sorts of things? "If that is what you truly desire, I suppose we can."

"Yay!" My, that was a high pitched exclamation. Chloe and Detective Douche were going to owe him for this. "Can we get chocolate milk too?" The child was bouncing with excitement now; it was exhausting just watching her.

"If you like."

Lucifer did his best not to shudder at the resulting ear-piercing shriek.

He'd survived hell, he could survive an outing with one small human child, couldn't he?


End file.
